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my same

Journal Entry: Mon Oct 26, 2009, 3:57 PM

by *muzska

Я хотел бы побыть один
Утром в день моей казни
Почувствовать грань между жить и не жить
Я давно хотел внести ясность
Я смогу поднять исподлобья глаза
И ответить взглядом на выстрел
Я смогу включить в себе тормоза
И прожить этот миг не так быстро...

Я боялся казаться напуганны
Я боялся казаться зажатым
Я боялся, что никогда не стану тем,
Кем мог быть когда-то...

Кто-то плачет от счастья
Кто-то смеется упав
В жизни столько простых вещей
Для которых я слишком слаб
Если это когда-то случиться
Если в этот день будет праздник
Я хотел бы остаться один
Утром в день моей казни...

Я боялся казаться напуганны
Я боялся казаться зажатым
Я боялся, что никогда не стану тем,
Кем мог быть когда-то...


  • Mood: Passionate

things that happen

Journal Entry: Sat Oct 17, 2009, 11:26 AM

That's funny and I don't know why should i write is there.
Suppose, just cause we - the modern generation - are used to express ourselves here, at interenet. Than why not?

You know - funny thing - I had a more than 3 years relationship with the One I was living for and breathing for, but then the circumstances won: I started to think in a reasonable way and found out that I am too tired of circumstances. That fact made me really unhappy, and for more than half year I was trying to make up my mind, and to explain myself that I probably I was wrong... That that One was the only one possible... that Love may win... etc. But in the end I broke up and that was really so hard to do. And really so hard to live trough.

The hardest thing is to understand that you, you, yourself, you are hurting somebody. That is the worst thing ever, and even more hard it to understand that u can't help it, u can not avoid it - that is the only way - because passion is gone. Love is still there, but your soul is too tired, your soul cant take it anymore - promises, words, distance, plans on future, silence on phone, problems, troubles... and constant lonelyness as a result.

If you ever were hurt by someone - you would understand how the One felt when I broke up with Him. And I was hurt before too. And how - how having an exact understanding what that pain is like - how on earth could I hurt like this the One I was breathing for?

Easyly? Not.
Not at all.

But that was the first time in my life when I understood that I will die If I do not break up. I was saving myself, rescuing myself, protecting myself... And so i broke up and I did hurt. And I am sorry. An I am sad. Sad - because for 3 years I prayed every day, asking the sky to let me be with Him. I wanted only Him and waited only for Him. I loved Him and couldn't imagine my life without Him. I cryed for Him and because of Him, I lived for Him and because of Him. But then ... then the day came when I understood that that's gone and staying WITH him I can not go on... Oh...

I only hope that one day my the One will find his own One that will make him 100% happy.
I want Him to love and be loved, I want him to find his real happynes and his place in this world.
I want him to know that He is so special, and only the best things are the things he deserves.

Life is so unpredictable...
But, perharps, life should be so.

  • Mood: Passionate
  • Listening to: marilyn manson - sweet dreams

things that happen

Journal Entry: Sat Oct 17, 2009, 11:19 AM

That's funny and I don't know why should i write is there.
Suppose, just cause we - the modern generation - are used to express ourselves here, at interenet. Than why not?

You know - funny thing - I had a more than 3 years relationship with the One I was living for and breathing for, but then the circumstances won: I started to think in a reasonable way and found out that I am too tired of circumstances. That fact made me really unhappy, and for more than half year I was trying to make up my mind, and to explain myself that I probably I was wrong... That that One was the only one possible... that Love may win... etc. But in the end I broke up and that was really so hard to do. And really so hard to live trough.

The hardest thing is to understand that you, you, yourself, you are hurting somebody. That is the worst thing ever, and even more hard it to understand that u can't help it, u can not avoid it - that is the only way - because passion is gone. Love is still there, but your soul is too tired, your soul cant take it anymore - promises, words, distance, plans on future, silence on phone, problems, troubles... and constant lonelyness as a result.

If you ever were hurt by someone - you would understand how the One felt when I broke up with Him. And I was hurt before too. And how - how having an exact understanding what that pain is like - how on earth could I hurt like this the One I was breathing for?

Easyly? Not.
Not at all.

But that was the first time in my life when I understood that I will die If I do not break up. I was saving myself, rescuing myself, protecting myself... And so i broke up and I did hurt. And I am sorry. An I am sad. Sad - because for 3 years I prayed every day, asking the sky to let me be with Him. I wanted only Him and waited only for Him. I loved Him and couldn't imagine my life without Him. I cryed for Him and because of Him, I lived for Him and because of Him. But then ... then the day came when I understood that that's gone and staying WITH him I can not go on... Oh...

I only hope that one day my the One will find his own One that will make him 100% happy.
I want Him to love and be loved, I want him to find his real happynes and his place in this world.
I want him to know that He is so special, and only the best things are the things he deserves.

Life is so unpredictable...
But, perharps, life should be so.

  • Mood: Passionate
  • Listening to: marilyn manson - sweet dreams

summer over, summer still goes on

Journal Entry: Wed Sep 23, 2009, 10:08 AM


Baby, I think I love you
Honey, I should I tell you?
Should I do?
What else could I do?
Maybe I am crazy
But baby, I am crazy about you
But how about you?
I got to tell you I got this feeling
I got to tell you I got this feeling by you, just by you
And I know that it's true 'cause you make it good
I got to show you, how I love you
I got to hold you, 'cause I'm lost without you
Without you
I'm as lost as a ghost in a forest alone

  • Mood: Passionate
  • Listening to: Aquapura - Seventeen

Beats and Styles feat. Papa Dee - Take it back

Journal Entry: Thu Sep 10, 2009, 8:56 AM

Feeling kinder low, we got nowhere to go…
I’m bored out of my mind
I’m still on the run, she still think she’s the one
But I feel I need some time, yeah.

Somehow, we will always be connected,
Somehow, there will always be a way,
Come on now!

You can take it back, one day
Take it back, one day.
You can take it back, one day
Take it back, one day.

Finally I’m free, the fear of being me
Is long gone and I’m alright!
You must understand, that I’m a better man,
Wish you could have seen that side.

Somehow, we will always be connected,
Somehow, there will always be a way,
Come on now!

You can take it back, one day
Take it back, one day.
You can take it back, one day
Take it back, one day.

Good thing going on,
Know what thing is gone,
We got to keep on moving.
Look back and I smile,
Happy for a while,
But times are always changing…

Somehow, we will always be connected,
Somehow, there will always be a way,
Come on now!

You can take it back, one day
Take it back, one day.
You can take it back, one day
Take it back, one day.

You can do it if you want, come on!
We can do it if we want, come on!
You can do it if you want, come on!
We can do it if we want, come on now!

You can take it back, one day
Take it back, one day.
You can take it back, one day
Take it back, one day.
You can take it back, one day
Take it back, one day.
You can take it back, one day
Take it back, one day.

  • Mood: Passionate
  • Reading: Anton Pavlovich Chekhov "stories"

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